Pudu

“I am dead sexy. You are crap.”
-Fat Bastard
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For the moment:
Trepak-Tchaikovsky
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To one of the places I avoid in KL.
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I have school on weekdays. And because it is my students final year in high school, I avoid taking the weekends off. I don’t get to go away as often as I like. When I can, I seize.
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I had a test this morning, tomorrow (50th Merdeka celebration), and on Monday my class begins at two. I wagged todays class at 2pm so I could catch an early bus down to Singapore and be back in KL by 12.30pm Monday.
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It is a long weekend for Malaysia and school holidays for Singapore. I did not buy a ticket in advance.
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Opposite Pudu, where the ‘quaint’ shop lots are, there are small counters selling bus tickets. I asked around for tickets to JB. I either got a no, soul out, or they just shook their head. Most of the time, they didn’t even bother to look up.
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I was agitated. I could go on Friday with my brother in his car, by waste the free Thursday.
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So I go into the main station. I checked 5 more counters. Sold out.
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At 1.40 pm, as I approached the next one, I saw that it had bus leaving for Singapore at 1.30 and 2.30pm. The lady raised her head to me like a latina saying ‘hello’, (George Lopez fans, you know what I’m talking about), but this one was asking ‘where to?’
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Singapore.

Got got got now.

*Sensing the tourist vibe, I purposely spoke in Malay.

2.30 punya?

No no. Now. Now have. 35 ringgit.

*Indicating that I should make haste.
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As I fiddle with my wallet, she picks up a walkie talkie and says,

Singapore singapore singapore. Ada satu, satu. Satu lagi.

She puts it to her ear, and then before answering she looks at me, and then says into the walkie,

Mat salleh.

She passes me the ticket, with the destination and the number plate of the bus and says,

Platform 2, now.

At Platfrom 2, before I could walk down the steps to the basement of where Platform 2 really is, this stranger looks at me and immediately gestures that I should follow him.
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(Wtf?)
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He walks away and does not look back. I follow him and I say “Singapore?!” he nods without looking back.
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Outside the station, by the main road, while doing the twinkle twinkle little star gesture, he says,

You nampak itu bas sana? Yang lilap liplap.

(*What is ‘liplap liplap??!!)

Itu? That one?

Hah.

Yes.

Ok go.

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I walk pass 4 busses only to discover that we were talking about different busses earlier. He was talking about the bus across the road. With the hazard light, blinking.
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Liplap liplap bitch.